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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28953414">Nichts Für Mich</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DottoraQN/pseuds/DottoraQN'>DottoraQN</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Caleb Widogast Needs a Hug, Degradation, Hatesex, M/M, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, The Comfort Comes Later, This is... this is sure a thing!, Under-negotiated Kink, Whump, breakdowns, minor Bloodplay, when Molly's back in his body</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:34:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,299</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28953414</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DottoraQN/pseuds/DottoraQN</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing to me</p><p>Lucien approaches Caleb and things get heated. Caleb has regrets.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eventual Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast - Relationship, Lucien/Caleb Widogast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>118</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Nichts Für Mich</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Ho boy! Yet another 3 am writing spree. This sure is a thing!</p><p>Disclaimer: there's no non-con or dub-con here, but there is DEFINITELY under negotiated kink. They're both willing, but Caleb is Going Through It ™<br/>If you think this will be a problem, please take care of yourself!</p><p>Not beta'd cause I'm an impatient bastard.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Caleb started as he heard a gentle rap on his door. He ungraciously shoved Frumpkin off his chest and sat up, waiting for the knock to repeat. The gentle noise came a moment later and Caleb sighed, getting up and padding over to the door. He opened the door with a sigh, expecting to see Veth, but being faced with Lucien instead.</p><p>"Hello there," Lucien said, grinning. Caleb waited a moment but Lucien's expression didn't change, appearing as if he was waiting for Caleb to respond.</p><p>"<em>Hallo</em>," Caleb said eventually. Lucien took a step forward, leaning on the door frame.</p><p>"I meant what I said earlier, you know," he said, giving Caleb a very unsubtle once over. "You really are quite attractive. And I happen to love being called a 'good boy.'"</p><p>The wizard didn’t know why he stepped back and let in the still grinning lavender man who wore his love’s face like an ill fitting tunic, but he did. Lucien nodded to him in thanks, strolling forward leisurely and taking a seat on the couch. Caleb sat opposite him in one of the plush armchairs and waited.</p><p>“So... what is it that you want from me?” Caleb said, anger, arousal, longing, and regret all boiling together in his stomach and making him nauseous.</p><p>“Well,” Lucien started, giving Caleb another onceover, letting his eyes linger on Caleb’s right bicep and his crotch for longer than was necessary. None of this was necessary. But Caleb was ever so curious, and that’s what got him into this mess in the first place. He might as well see his curiosity through. An old Zemnian saying about cats and meddling tugged at the back of his mind, but he pushed it away. Lucien, it seemed, was waiting for Caleb’s reverie to finish before he continued speaking, “I’d love to see it. I’ve got one there too, you know. Of course you know. I’ve seen how you look me up and down when you think I’m not watching you. But that's the thing, Mr. Caleb: I’m always watching.”</p><p>The words “Mr. Caleb” stung at him more than he had thought they would. Caleb knew it was inevitable, of course. Lucien and Mollymauk had so many overlapping mannerisms that Caleb could barely see straight, the part of his brain that refused to believe that he had missed his chance with the one person he had loved in the last ten years tricking him into thinking that Molly would come walking around every corner at any minute.</p><p>“Fine. Tell me, though,” Caleb said, standing and beginning to undo the ties at the side of his tunic. “Will I be able to control my friends like you can control your compatriots?”</p><p>“Oh, I don’t know about that, darling,” Lucien said, laying his arms across the back of the couch and spreading his legs. Caleb couldn’t help but look, eyes darting to the apex of Lucien’s spread legs and seeing the growing bulge there. Lucien continued, “The Somnovum have different designs for all of their loyal followers. You may not be entirely loyal yet, but you will be soon.”</p><p>“Ah, I will, will I?” Caleb bit back at him, finishing with the ties of the tunic and dropping it to the floor. He turned, baring his right shoulder to Lucien.</p><p>“Gods and Devils, you’re beautiful,” Lucien breathed, standing and walking over to Caleb to run his hand over the eye on Caleb’s bicep lightly. Caleb shivered at the touch and Lucien didn’t miss it, tightening his hand around Caleb’s arm as Caleb made to move away. The tiefling’s skin was searing, the slow ministrations of the pads of his fingers sweeping against the slightly warm spot where the eye pulsed on Caleb’s skin sending bolts of sensation straight to Caleb’s cock.</p><p>“Me or my new passenger?” Caleb said wryly. Lucien smiled at him. The tiefling had a few inches on Caleb, the last time they were this close the height difference having been even more accentuated by the ridiculous heels that Mollymauk favored.</p><p>“Why not both?” he whispered into Caleb’s ear. The hot breath against Caleb’s ear and just barely caressing his pulse point made Caleb suck in a breath involuntarily. Lucien smelled different than Molly had, Molly was patchouli and fresh peaches, with the slightest hint of vanilla that hung about his hair and horns. Lucien smelled of nag champa and sweet peppers, not unpleasant, but sharp; slightly dangerous. Just when he thought Lucien was going to pull away, the tiefling bent forward briefly and took Caleb’s earlobe between his sharp teeth.</p><p>Caleb gasped and grabbed the back of Lucien’s head, smashing their lips together and growling into the tiefling’s mouth. Lucien nipped at his bottom lip and Caleb gasped, letting Lucien shove his forked tongue into Caleb’s mouth. Pushing the other man back, Caleb wiped his mouth on his arm and glared at Lucien.</p><p>“I thought you wanted to be good for me,” he said, his voice dangerous and low. “But instead you are being a brat.”</p><p>“Giving up power’s no fun unless someone takes it from you,” Lucien said, undoing the ties of his own shirt and dropping it to the floor. All visible eyes locked onto Caleb and the wizard found himself yearning for more, to be gazed at by this, the physical representation of his frustration and regret for the last year. He opened his mouth to reply but Lucien cut him off, nodding at the geometric scars along Caleb’s arms, “I thought you’d know that very well, Mr. Caleb.”</p><p>“Knees, now,” Caleb ordered, stalking towards Lucien.</p><p>The tiefling looked around with an expression that said “who, me?” and sneered at Caleb. “Make me.”</p><p>Caleb lunged for Lucien, but the tiefling dodged him deftly, whirling around and pinning Caleb against the wall. Caleb struggled against the rough hands pinning his wrists and the insistent hips bidding for friction by thrusting against his own. Lucien leaned down and began sucking a mark into Caleb’s neck, the wizard twitching and moaning at the pleasure-pain. He gasped and cried out as he felt the tiefling’s fangs break skin, looking over Lucien hungrily as he pulled back to admire his handiwork.</p><p>“Come now, Mr. Caleb,” Lucian eventually said, once he was done looking over Caleb’s ruined neck. “Did you really think that you could move faster than me or over power me?”</p><p>“<em>Nein</em>,” Caleb panted, supporting himself against the wall. “I did not expect that you were a vampire, either, <em>Herr Lucien.</em> Are you going to drink my blood as I fuck you into my mattress?”</p><p>“Oh, no, not at all,” Lucien said, licking over his fangs. Caleb swallowed, thinking of how dangerous and exhilarating it would feel to have those pretty purple lips wrapped around his cock, fangs just covered and Lucien moaning for him. The tiefling continued, “I don’t think my powers work like that, but you’re a man of science. Let’s find out, shall we?”</p><p>Lucien made a grab for Caleb, but this time the wizard was ready, using his shorter frame to unbalance Lucien and shove the other man against the wall, Caleb grinding his hips into Lucien’s ass. The tiefling moaned and was clearly trying to fight against his own instinct to let Caleb take the lead. Tears pricked at Caleb’s eyes as the tiefling’s voice, still as lilting and airy as Caleb remembered, called out his name in the exact way that Caleb had yearned for a year ago.</p><p>Burying his emotions in lust, anger, and the knowledge that he’d never be a healthy individual, Caleb growled against Lucien’s neck, reaching around to paw at the other man’s crotch. Lucien whined and bucked into his hand, breath coming in short pants. Taking a chance, Caleb put his hands on Lucien’s shoulders and shoved, forcing the tiefling to his knees. Lucien’s knees hit the ground and he moaned, eyes scrunching shut as he shuffled around. Caleb shoved his hand under his tunic and tore at the laces, spitting out between gritted teeth: “You are nothing to me, you know that, Herr Lucien?”</p><p>“Am I?” Lucien murmured, grabbing onto Caleb’s hips and pushing his claws into Caleb’s ass. “That’s not a very nice thing to say, didn’t they teach you any manners in that pretentious school you went to?”</p><p>“<em>Ja</em>, they did,” Caleb growled, shoving his forearm into Lucien’s face. Lucien looked taken aback, but Caleb found himself feeding off of the tiefling’s confusion, so he continued, “Every scar was a lesson in manners, a lesson in hunting those that would pervert and work against the empire. I am now what I used to hunt, and so are you, it would seem. So shut up and suck my cock before I change my mind about how you can best serve me.”</p><p>Letting out a high pitched keen, Lucien knocked Caleb’s hands away from the laces of the human’s trousers and freed his cock swiftly, taking it to the root in one swift movement. Caleb cried out, the heat of Lucien’s throat around him causing him to lean heavily against the wall above the tiefling, but also make his heart sink. This wasn’t right. He was letting his lust get the better of him, letting his attraction to the physical aspects of Molly’s body overtake his mind and overpower his judgement. He loved Molly for <em>Molly,</em> not because the tiefling was hedonistic and wanton, flaunting himself in front of the entire party whenever he got the chance.</p><p>The human felt his hot tears pour over his cheeks and land in Lucien’s hair, longer now than Molly’s had been, as it had more opportunity to grow. Lucien was clearly enjoying himself, continuing to suck Caleb off like his life depended on it. Caleb felt his release start to climb up his spine and he wrestled with himself internally, the rational part of his mind succumbing to the rest of his lust addled brain. He thrust forward into Lucien’s throat, uncaring if the tiefing could take him or not, collapsing against the wall and wailing Molly’s name as loud as his lungs would let him as he came.</p><p>As soon as he had spilled himself in Lucien’s throat, Caleb shoved back, turning away from the tiefling and towards the blank stained glass window to tuck himself back into his breeches. He heard the sounds of Lucien standing and groaning at his sore knees. Caleb kept his back turned, trying to stem the flow of angry, shameful tears that ran over his cheeks. He whirled around to glower at Lucien when he felt a hand on his shoulder and a singular claw tip tracing over his pulse point.</p><p>“That’s not my name, but whatever you need to tell yourself to get off, Mr. Caleb,” Lucien purred in Caleb’s ear, the tips of his tongue flicking against the gold ring set into the lobe.</p><p>Caleb shoved him back, an animalistic noise ripping from his throat. He bared his teeth at the tiefling, watching confusion wash over Lucien’s features again. Good. Let him feel a fraction of what Caleb felt, what all of the Nein felt.</p><p>“<em>Nichts!</em>” Caleb hissed, his brain unable to produce common at the current moment. “<em>Gar nichts, ist was du bist.</em>”</p><p>“You’ll have to forgive me,” Lucien said, his voice low and guarded now as he watched Caleb. “I’m not entirely up on my Zemnian. Though it looks like I succeeded in getting a Zemnian up, eh?”</p><p>“Nothing!” Caleb shouted at him, hand flying out and pointing towards the door. “You are nothing and you will always be nothing. Mollymauk was beautiful, inside and out, you are merely a shell of what he could have been. And rest assured, <em>Lucien,</em> that I will do whatever it takes to bring him back to me.”</p><p>Lucien was silent for a moment, observing Caleb as the human stood panting, his chest rising and falling rapidly, the eye on his shoulder seeming to burn hotter as he got angrier. “Well, I don’t think that-”</p><p>“OUT!” Caleb bellowed, pointing at the door forcefully. “Get out. You are lucky that I do not throw you and your friends out into the frigid night, get out of my sight, you useless puppet.”</p><p>The look on the tiefling’s face was almost hurt, that hurt fueling Caleb. He knew how hard that Lucien worked to mask his true feelings from the Nein, posturing and strutting about in a mockery of the peacock feathers tattooed onto his skin from the moment he’d met them. He silently picked up his shirt and left, right hand twitching and head ticking to the side momentarily before he left, almost as if he stopped himself from looking back.</p><p>As soon as the door slammed behind him, Caleb sunk to the floor, letting the sobs wrack his slight form. Frumpkin pushed his way out from one of the little doors in the wall, nudging under Caleb’s arms and getting his fluff into Caleb’s face as much as he could. Caleb hugged the cat to himself, breathing in the warm, homey scent of incense and decomposing leaves that wafted off of the cat like fresh baked bread.</p><p>Eventually, Frumpkin pulled himself out of Caleb’s arms, standing and meowing incessantly at him until Caleb stood. Frumpkin led him to the bed, hopping up and curling up on a pillow, flicking his tail as if to say “Come here, if you’re going to have a break down, at least do it where you won’t ruin your back if you pass out.” Caleb acquiesced, falling onto the bed more than lying down, shoving his face back into Frumpkins warm fur. He drifted off into unconsciousness, mind numb and heart feeling as if he had just torn the hole in it much, much wider.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading, I'm an angst degenerate. Don't worry, I'll fix it later :3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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